Monday, February 25, 2013

Reflections on Obedience

Reflections of Jeremiah 42-43

I the people of God, the Israelite's found themselves in a tough spot.  They had seen their homes, temple, livelihood and families destroyed due to their disobedience to God.  So they pleaded with God's prophet Jeremiah to pray on their behalf for God's direction in which way they should go.  The wrath of God had been poured out this nation do to their wickedness.  On the surface this request to turn to the Lord seemed wise.  In Jeremiah 42:6 the  people of God evened vowed that no matter if God's answer was "favorable or unfavorable they would obey."

In reading a good novel this seemed to be the part where the antagonist of the story has been redeemed, willing to change his ways.  I assumed that they would turn back to God in trust that His ways are better than our own.  They even promised to obey no matter the cost.  I've done this; this pleading and bargaining to God.

Desperation leads people to make promises for reform and many seek the Lord.  But are our hearts right to the point of acting in obedience no matter the cost.

Well the Lord did answer the prayers of His people, but they not only didn't listen to the Lord's instruction they did the thing God told specifically told them not to do.  So off they went in disobedience.  Jeremiah 43:3 alludes to the fact that they were more motivated by fear of man rather than the holy, all consuming fear of God.

Examining my own life I have many times been motivated by my own fear of others.  I though things such as what would "they" think?  If I did (fill in the blank) it wouldn't be seen as right, good, or loving?

Where is my allegiance? Is it to what I think others think is right?  Do I respond more to fear than to God's truth?  Oh No my prayer is to obey God beyond my fears, feelings and thoughts.  Help me Jesus!

1 Samuel 15:22, "...Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Perfect People- by Natalie Grant

                                                                 "Perfect People"

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again


Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough


By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Today you and I can chose to use the pain in our lives to draw closer to God, or we can repeatedly choose to go back to things that do not endure and cause additional pain. Going back to old ways will cause less than God's best.  

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Will a band-aide help my wound heal?

I have been putting them on for years...bright smiley ones, fun silly ones, plain nude colored ones, all with the same goal unrealistic goal; major wound healing.  None of my cute band-aides have come close to the healing of major surgery.

If I may put on my nursing hat for a minute...
there is no way to healing a 10 cm ulceration with a measly band aide.  Medically and scientifically it isn't going to happen no how matter how meticulous you are nursing the wound.  Especially if it is deep and been there for 30 years.  That type of wound needs to be looked at by a general surgeon, to be taken to the operating room for debridement and a packing and an antibiotic flushing.  To heal well, the wound needs to be uncovered, looked at, drained, and  debrided.  Gross I know but healing must get messy, even bleed to really heal.

So I have tried many a band-aides to sooth my deep ache in my heart.  I tried with a noble (sterile) effort to heal something broken inside of me with little success   It wasn't until I could take a good hard look at the pain.  And the purpose of my microscopic look isn't to blame anyone; rather to bring light into the wounds I hid (give a long truthful look at the pain's source).

I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on emotional band-aides.  Now truly with all my heart I thought I was doing hard work with those band-aides but I never allowed all the pain of abuse to surface.  I was always afraid that if I ever starting crying I would never stop.  I believed if I just had the right  stuff, medication, friendships, perfectionism,  family, house, job, being a "good person or Christian" I would no longer hurt with a throbbing pain.  Oh I tried it and all of it.   By only the grace of a loving heavenly father I didn't try the "big 3"  only because I feared I would surely get me a first class ticket to hell if I participated in sex, drugs or alcohol (can you see the guilty rules which I tried to regulate my life under) .

So almost a year ago I finally took myself to the Operating room.  Because I  knew that I was slowly dying of a broken heart that couldn't mend itself.   I couldn't stop the response of my body, depression flooded my soul like a raging ocean, anxiety made my stomach do cartwheels, infection after infection all took a toll.  So here I was standing in my less than covering hospital gown; begging the great Physician to take me into the Operating room to debride my heart.  Yes I was naked, ashamed that I couldn't; but he could and is.  So I am still in surgery a year later... it is still painful but I can see that He is doing a work in me that I wasn't able to heal with my measly band-aids.  I had to have my wounds scraped till they bleed and now I can see them healing.

In the last year I  have become a help-mate instead of an anchor dragging behind my husband and a self sacrificing mother that can love without being triggered to deep feelings of debilitating shame.  I am becoming Free!!  And my wounds will one day become scars, all attesting to the mighty work of God.  Instead of  getting infected and spreading my anger, shame, and bitterness around like a communal epidemic I can cultivate hope and peace.

Romans 15: 4 and 13 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope...May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Monday, February 18, 2013

Who am I?

According to Ephesians I am...

  • Blessed
  • Chosen and wanted
  • Holy
  • Blameless
  • Adopted into God's Family (with an inheritance of a Son)
  • Loved
  • Redeemed
  • "In the know" (I know God's will)
  • Included
  • Marked with a guarantee (the Holy Spirit)
  • Hopeful through Jesus
  • Powerful
  • Alive
  • God's workmanship
  • a Citizen of God's people
  • a Home for the Holy Spirit
  • Enlightened
  • Free
  • Rooted in Love
  • again deeply Loved
  • a New Creation
  • Loved deeply (yet again)- I think that this is trying to be hammered in
  • Light (no longer in darkness)
What a great Monday reminder!!  I am usually not a big fan of Mondays they seem to be chaotic, while we re-coop from the busy weekend.  Sometimes I forget who I am on the start of the week.  I need to be reminded and live in the truth.  It's amazing how jam packed God's word is in telling me who I am...and it is a lot better than what my feeble mind tells me.  Oh that we are Loved, Redeemed, Holy, Blameless, Free, and a New Creation.  Lord may I live in these truths today and this week..

Wednesday, February 13, 2013



"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scripture we might have hope...May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15: 4 & 13

Hope  - my definition

Thursday, February 7, 2013

No words...except FREE!!

I seem to be void of words recently... they just aren't there.  There are several reasons that this might be:

- Maybe I have spent them all at home with two very verbal boys.  Whoever said girls were more verbal than little girls haven't met my three and five year old.  

- Possibly weekly counseling for almost 3 years has temporarily emptied my creativity.

- In the last few weeks I have started meeting with an amazing mentor; divinely appointed and I believe mutually encouraging.

- Lastly I have started an amazing bible study; but it is so much more.  It digs in my soul; dredging out hurt and pain while salving the wounds with truth.  This process is only possible with the Holy Living Word of God.  

- Finally I have spent many hours with my beloved husband as my sounding board, to bounce all the grace filled encounters off of.  We are truly sojourning together.

So there are my many words...they are spent; but not in vain.  Out of each of my very intentional activities, I can see the fruit of increased peace leaving my depression slowly behind.  This whole process can be summed up in one word FREE!!  

  • It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

FREE from guilt, dictating emotions, lies, abuse, shame, 'should's,' and the list could go on and on.  And then FREE to love, live, thrive, and prevail in truth.  It is a journey but it is happening; from bondage to freedom...

  • The Year of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. (Isaiah 61:1)

So my word, mantra, and hearts desire is to live FREE in accordance to Galatians and the fulfillment of Isaiah 61:1 through Jesus Christ.  I don't want to be re-yoked! Or trapped in darkness again!!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Godly Sorrow

2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but world sorrow brings death."