I felt so honored and blessed to have been asked to come and share... Well call it spiritual warfare, set back, disappointment, or what ever; but I had a major step back (so I thought at the time) and found myself in the Meier Clinic. I found myself head first in my pit of hopelessness and depression. I felt suicidal and was truly afraid. Three and a half weeks of intense truth telling, counseling, and therapy I had grown and yet still felt shaken. My good friend came and spent every day with me and the boys that following week. I was still fearful of my irrational feelings that I just had a few weeks prior. At one point she shared that her deep feelings of grief that I had lost my confidence as a mother and as a woman in Christ.
I had allowed my feelings and fears during this time dictate my actions; instead of the feelings just being indicators of what was going on inside my heart. I was enslaved to my feelings... I turned down the opportunity to share my life with some dear women just 2 1/2 weeks prior to the date. The shame that I felt, lies that I believed kept me home.
But God!! (don't you love those words found with in the Bible) He didn't end my story there. He told me to stop digging in my pit, dry my self off, and return to bush whacking. And I have been working harder than ever all while resting with the light burden of Christ's calling in my life (Matthew 11:30). Oh how sweet to abide in Christ, it cost me my familiar pit but has brought me peace and joy.
So in faith I talked to my dear friend in California to see if she would welcome a wrecked, yet redeemed sister in Christ to come and share again. I will see...there are no guarantees...But Christ isn't done with me yet!!