Wednesday, July 24, 2013

What to do when life is turned upside down...

Take one step...and then the next...

Life isn't easy?!  Anyone who has lived with any sense of reality already knows this... But I seem to need to continually speak this truth to myself daily.  

There are setbacks and then victories, struggles and successes.  All of it just part of this messy thing called life.  Luckily there isn't a tally system in Christian life marking good and bad, because I would be "out" if there was such a system.   In fact we all would be out, right?  Isn't this where the Grace of God comes in, through a baby; born in humility as God and man?  What an amazing concept to flood my mind; Grace, baby, and God all in one.

Jesus could have come in a royal processional, but he didn't...

A good friend of mine just had a baby, a precious, needy, wonderful, sleepy baby boy.  Perfectly content to just snuggle up to the warmth of his mother's skin all while finding comfort suckling his mother's milk.  Now add God to this innocent picture, in fact imagine God as a baby.  Imagine Him confined, limited by His own choice to become fully human, needy, and hungry...humble picture.

Grace came in humility, by choicefully human, and yet God to share in life and pain.  His life fully turned upside down to rescue us from our upside down life.  

Hebrews 4:14-16, "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.  Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to find grace to help in time of need."

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Starting again...


How do you start over after a major dip; another episode of depression?

Shame and fear want to hold their grip over me.  But God...

Through His grace I first stand...remember to breath...pray...and then put on my running shoes and then I go.  Each slam of my foot on the concrete, birds chirping, wind blowing, and sun gleaming on my back I reach out for Hope.  Even just a little thought of gratitude turns my shame into His grace.

1 Corinthians 15:10, "But by the grace of God I am what I am and his grace and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."

Monday, April 29, 2013

Worn- song tenth avenue north

Worn

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left


Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn

My prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn
Even before the day begins
I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though, I'm worn
Yeah, I'm worn

I can't find my own words to pray, but this song is my prayer.  With all I have left I cry out for redemption and only you call heal what is dead inside.



Thursday, April 18, 2013

Wrong direction!?


Ever tried to do something you know God didn't want you to do or not do something you new he was asking you to do??

Remember Jonah...God pursued Jonah even into the belly of a whale to do his will.  God called Jonah to go to Nineveh and call the people to repentance (Jonah 1:1-2).  Jonah tried to run; in fact he did in the opposite direction (vs.3) and it almost cost him his life and the life of those around him.  Foolish Jonah!

But I can look at my life and see the same behavior...I have many times known the good I was to do and have sprinted in the wrong direction.  Only to find myself knee deep in trouble; usually emotional trouble.  I was convicted on my run today that it only takes believing one lie to get me way off track.  And boy these last few weeks I have been going in the wrong direction.

So one truth at a time I am disputing the lies I have allowed to take residence.  Not resting on what others think, nor what I assume others think, but on what God thinks about me.  The only way to know what He thinks and asks of you or me is found in his word, the Bible.  He invites us to come, rest, and give him our burdens and so often I get up and go.  "Abide in me, and I will abide in you (John 15:4)."  There is my daily invitation but I all to often find myself saying "No."


Maybe I am not so different than Jonah, foolish?

At times yes!  But also have a heavenly father that is constantly steering me toward him.

Psalm 23:4, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, the comfort me.

Fight for today


So I don't have enough in me to fight for anything other than today...

Just read a quote today from Dr Henry Cloud, this morning "ask your self, what will I have needed to be able to look back and say 'Good Day.'"  So I had already asked myself that while sitting on the floor in my bathroom catching a moment with my husband before he left.  I started a list:


  • Get to know the creator that Loves me so much that he had me in mind at the creation of the world
  • Love my boys...intentionally get to know them, talk to them and really listen
  • Work on my bible study for abuse healing
  • Take care of myself so that I can be emotionally available to my husband at the end of the day (ie exercise, nap, take a long bath etc)
I know that I don't have enough for a week or two...but I have enough for today.  So I chose to stand, look up, and fight for joy today...

Nehemiah 4:13-14, "So in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall, in open places, I stationed the people by their clans, with their swords, their spears, and their bows.  And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, 'Do not be afraid of them.  Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes." (ESV)

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Struggle

struggle strength picture quoteLink for a great song...let's continue struggling well..



The Struggle- Tenth Avenue North

                                                                   

















                                                                     "The Struggle"

There's a wreckage, there's a fire
There's a weakness in my love
There's a hunger I can't control
Lord I falter and I fall down
Then I hold on to the chains you broke
When You came down and saved my soul
Save my soul

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing

So I look, do I still fail
Do I withhold, do I still give in to temptation
On my own I am bankrupt
I will trust You, I'll take you at your word
You promise

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing

Hallelujah, death is overcome
And we are breathing
Hallelujah our stone hearts become flesh
A flesh that's beating
Hallelujah chains have been undone
And we are singing
Hallelujah the fire has begun
Can you feel it?

Hallelujah, death is overcome
And we are breathing
Hallelujah our stone hearts become flesh
A flesh that's beating
Hallelujah chains have been undone
And we are singing
Hallelujah the fire has begun
Can you feel it?

Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and sing
(Ooh's)

Thursday, March 7, 2013

An encouraging Article about recovery: Old wound, New Pain


Old Wound, New Pain
by Sallie Culbreth, M.S.
Founder 

A few months ago, I was helping my grandson with a prop he needed for a production he was in. You'd be amazed what I can do with cardboard and magic markers! So there I was, carving out a giant Santa sled with my razor knife when . . . you guessed it - I slipped and took a pretty nice gouge out of my fingernail that went down to the nail bed. It hurt like crazy.

After awhile, the gash stopped hurting. Months passed. As my nail grew, the gouged out wound moved too. When it reached the end of my nail bed, it started hurting all over again - exposing my nail bed and leaving a nail edge that kept snagging everything.

That old wound resurfaced and I felt new pain. I stared at my throbbing finger and broken fingernail very surprised that it would suddenly hurt so much after months of nothing, but it did.

Abuse survivors are often unprepared for the pain they experience as they begin to grow. It's a mistake to assume that once you turn the soil and unearth the past that the pain vanishes like water sprayed on a scorching hot day.

Abuse recovery is rarely a linear event. There are bumps and dips, brick walls and gutters that accompany hard fought victories. Abuse recovery means personal growth. It means having the courage to look truthfully at not only what was done to you, but what you did with the damage. Abuse recovery may unfold like a labyrinth or uncoil like a snake.

To experience pain from the initial abuse is normal. To experience pain when you first address what happened to you is also normal. But as you grow, you may be surprised when you feel familiar sadness, when you grieve over things you thought you were past, when you rage over injustices you released a million times before. This too, is normal, and an authentic aspect of growth beyond abuse.

So here I am, with a throbbing finger and a ragged edge, and just like a few months ago, I'm covering it with a bandage, and ever so slightly trimming that ragged edge, knowing that one day, that gash will level off.

In your journey beyond abuse, even if old wounds bring new pain, please know that one day those jagged places will smooth out and those gashes will level off. You won't know when and you'll probably wonder how it will happen, but that's the power of caring for your wounds - old or newly felt. It levels off.

This week, take some time to care for any pain that you may find yourself in, even if that new pain has its genesis in old wounds.

© 2013 

Monday, February 25, 2013

Reflections on Obedience

Reflections of Jeremiah 42-43

I the people of God, the Israelite's found themselves in a tough spot.  They had seen their homes, temple, livelihood and families destroyed due to their disobedience to God.  So they pleaded with God's prophet Jeremiah to pray on their behalf for God's direction in which way they should go.  The wrath of God had been poured out this nation do to their wickedness.  On the surface this request to turn to the Lord seemed wise.  In Jeremiah 42:6 the  people of God evened vowed that no matter if God's answer was "favorable or unfavorable they would obey."

In reading a good novel this seemed to be the part where the antagonist of the story has been redeemed, willing to change his ways.  I assumed that they would turn back to God in trust that His ways are better than our own.  They even promised to obey no matter the cost.  I've done this; this pleading and bargaining to God.

Desperation leads people to make promises for reform and many seek the Lord.  But are our hearts right to the point of acting in obedience no matter the cost.

Well the Lord did answer the prayers of His people, but they not only didn't listen to the Lord's instruction they did the thing God told specifically told them not to do.  So off they went in disobedience.  Jeremiah 43:3 alludes to the fact that they were more motivated by fear of man rather than the holy, all consuming fear of God.

Examining my own life I have many times been motivated by my own fear of others.  I though things such as what would "they" think?  If I did (fill in the blank) it wouldn't be seen as right, good, or loving?

Where is my allegiance? Is it to what I think others think is right?  Do I respond more to fear than to God's truth?  Oh No my prayer is to obey God beyond my fears, feelings and thoughts.  Help me Jesus!

1 Samuel 15:22, "...Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Perfect People- by Natalie Grant

                                                                 "Perfect People"

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Today

Today you and I can chose to use the pain in our lives to draw closer to God, or we can repeatedly choose to go back to things that do not endure and cause additional pain. Going back to old ways will cause less than God's best.  

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Will a band-aide help my wound heal?


I have been putting them on for years...bright smiley ones, fun silly ones, plain nude colored ones, all with the same goal unrealistic goal; major wound healing.  None of my cute band-aides have come close to the healing of major surgery.

If I may put on my nursing hat for a minute...
there is no way to healing a 10 cm ulceration with a measly band aide.  Medically and scientifically it isn't going to happen no how matter how meticulous you are nursing the wound.  Especially if it is deep and been there for 30 years.  That type of wound needs to be looked at by a general surgeon, to be taken to the operating room for debridement and a packing and an antibiotic flushing.  To heal well, the wound needs to be uncovered, looked at, drained, and  debrided.  Gross I know but healing must get messy, even bleed to really heal.

So I have tried many a band-aides to sooth my deep ache in my heart.  I tried with a noble (sterile) effort to heal something broken inside of me with little success   It wasn't until I could take a good hard look at the pain.  And the purpose of my microscopic look isn't to blame anyone; rather to bring light into the wounds I hid (give a long truthful look at the pain's source).

I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on emotional band-aides.  Now truly with all my heart I thought I was doing hard work with those band-aides but I never allowed all the pain of abuse to surface.  I was always afraid that if I ever starting crying I would never stop.  I believed if I just had the right  stuff, medication, friendships, perfectionism,  family, house, job, being a "good person or Christian" I would no longer hurt with a throbbing pain.  Oh I tried it and all of it.   By only the grace of a loving heavenly father I didn't try the "big 3"  only because I feared I would surely get me a first class ticket to hell if I participated in sex, drugs or alcohol (can you see the guilty rules which I tried to regulate my life under) .

So almost a year ago I finally took myself to the Operating room.  Because I  knew that I was slowly dying of a broken heart that couldn't mend itself.   I couldn't stop the response of my body, depression flooded my soul like a raging ocean, anxiety made my stomach do cartwheels, infection after infection all took a toll.  So here I was standing in my less than covering hospital gown; begging the great Physician to take me into the Operating room to debride my heart.  Yes I was naked, ashamed that I couldn't; but he could and is.  So I am still in surgery a year later... it is still painful but I can see that He is doing a work in me that I wasn't able to heal with my measly band-aids.  I had to have my wounds scraped till they bleed and now I can see them healing.

In the last year I  have become a help-mate instead of an anchor dragging behind my husband and a self sacrificing mother that can love without being triggered to deep feelings of debilitating shame.  I am becoming Free!!  And my wounds will one day become scars, all attesting to the mighty work of God.  Instead of  getting infected and spreading my anger, shame, and bitterness around like a communal epidemic I can cultivate hope and peace.

Romans 15: 4 and 13 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope...May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Monday, February 18, 2013

Who am I?

According to Ephesians I am...

  • Blessed
  • Chosen and wanted
  • Holy
  • Blameless
  • Adopted into God's Family (with an inheritance of a Son)
  • Loved
  • Redeemed
  • "In the know" (I know God's will)
  • Included
  • Marked with a guarantee (the Holy Spirit)
  • Hopeful through Jesus
  • Powerful
  • Alive
  • God's workmanship
  • a Citizen of God's people
  • a Home for the Holy Spirit
  • Enlightened
  • Free
  • Rooted in Love
  • again deeply Loved
  • a New Creation
  • Loved deeply (yet again)- I think that this is trying to be hammered in
  • Light (no longer in darkness)
What a great Monday reminder!!  I am usually not a big fan of Mondays they seem to be chaotic, while we re-coop from the busy weekend.  Sometimes I forget who I am on the start of the week.  I need to be reminded and live in the truth.  It's amazing how jam packed God's word is in telling me who I am...and it is a lot better than what my feeble mind tells me.  Oh that we are Loved, Redeemed, Holy, Blameless, Free, and a New Creation.  Lord may I live in these truths today and this week..

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Hope


hope

"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scripture we might have hope...May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15: 4 & 13

Hope  - my definition
H=hold
O=on
P=pain
E=ends

Thursday, February 7, 2013

No words...except FREE!!

I seem to be void of words recently... they just aren't there.  There are several reasons that this might be:

- Maybe I have spent them all at home with two very verbal boys.  Whoever said girls were more verbal than little girls haven't met my three and five year old.  

- Possibly weekly counseling for almost 3 years has temporarily emptied my creativity.

- In the last few weeks I have started meeting with an amazing mentor; divinely appointed and I believe mutually encouraging.

- Lastly I have started an amazing bible study; but it is so much more.  It digs in my soul; dredging out hurt and pain while salving the wounds with truth.  This process is only possible with the Holy Living Word of God.  

- Finally I have spent many hours with my beloved husband as my sounding board, to bounce all the grace filled encounters off of.  We are truly sojourning together.

So there are my many words...they are spent; but not in vain.  Out of each of my very intentional activities, I can see the fruit of increased peace leaving my depression slowly behind.  This whole process can be summed up in one word FREE!!  


  • It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

FREE from guilt, dictating emotions, lies, abuse, shame, 'should's,' and the list could go on and on.  And then FREE to love, live, thrive, and prevail in truth.  It is a journey but it is happening; from bondage to freedom...


  • The Year of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. (Isaiah 61:1)



So my word, mantra, and hearts desire is to live FREE in accordance to Galatians and the fulfillment of Isaiah 61:1 through Jesus Christ.  I don't want to be re-yoked! Or trapped in darkness again!!



Friday, February 1, 2013

Godly Sorrow

2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but world sorrow brings death."

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Staying Grounded

I lost my forward momentum toward healthier living in the last month.  One unhealthy thought then the choice to entertain it leads then to another bad choice; then I found myself into a self dug pit.  I had 3 weeks of this and found myself struggling in my old familiar pit.

Yesterday was a regroup and refocus to slow down, be real, feel my emotions, stop stuffing, be honest, and accept community.  So here I go forward with Grace with one baby step after another...

Part of this God Sized dream group I joined links us up with other blogging God sized dreamers.  I am blessed to have linked up with two.  First is Elise from Circles of Faith has been someone I have connected with.  She is a wonderful writer of one blog and co founder of Circles of Faith.  I am blessed to have a prayer warrior and God Sized Dreamer to journey with.  Check out her page...

Here's to community, even virtual!!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Small step (But God!!)

So I set the stage for this post with my writings about my trip through the Amazon and the beginning of my Bush Whacking.  One year later I was was watching some of my God Sized Dream's coming true.  I had been invited by a dear friend and current women's ministry coordinator at our church back in California to come and share my story and God's glory.

I felt so honored and blessed to have been asked to come and share... Well call it spiritual warfare, set back, disappointment, or what ever; but I had a major step back (so I thought at the time) and found myself in the Meier Clinic.  I found myself head first in my pit of hopelessness and depression.  I felt suicidal and was truly afraid.  Three and a half weeks of intense truth telling, counseling, and therapy I had grown and yet still felt shaken.  My good friend came and spent every day with me and the boys that following week.  I was still fearful of my irrational feelings that I just had a few weeks prior.  At one point she shared that her deep feelings of grief that I had lost my confidence as a mother and as a woman in Christ.

I had allowed my feelings and fears during this time dictate my actions; instead of the feelings just being indicators of what was going on inside my heart.  I was enslaved to my feelings... I turned down the opportunity to share my life with some dear women just 2 1/2 weeks prior to the date.  The shame that I felt, lies that I believed kept me home.

My flesh fails daily, but God reminds me He's holding on to me.
But God!!  (don't you love those words found with in the Bible) He didn't end my story there.  He told me to stop digging in my pit, dry my self off, and return to bush whacking.  And I have been working harder than ever all while resting with the light burden of Christ's calling in my life (Matthew 11:30).  Oh how sweet to abide in Christ, it cost me my familiar pit but has brought me peace and joy.



So in faith I talked to my dear friend in California to see if she would welcome a wrecked, yet redeemed sister in Christ to come and share again.  I will see...there are no guarantees...But Christ isn't done with me yet!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Bush Whacking through the jungle...



The closest I have come to an actual jungle is March 2011 in Brazil on a river branch of the Amazon.  I can't believe that it has been almost 2 years since I took that leap of flying down to Brazil  hopping on a boat, and having the privilege of serving the people of the Amazon River.  But the lush jungles made it hard to reach the people of the Amazon; for this reason most travel is done solely by boat.  Sandy shores scattered with little villages pushed down to the waters edge due to the landscape.


Jungles grow up and down; from vines to trees, lush land covers, bushes, marshy areas.  According to good ole Wikipedia, "The biodiversity of plant species is the highest on Earth with some experts estimating that one square kilometer (247 acres) may contain more than a thousand types of trees and thousands of species of other higher plants." 


So it is thick!  This is a picture from my trip; hopefully you can picture the density and diversity.  Well I didn't do any bush whacking on this particular trip; but it does set the stage for what I would be doing for the next two years; and am still doing...Bush Whacking!  


I've seen a few machetes in my several mission trips; always something that the men want to bring home as their souvenir.  They usually aren't big and to be effective they need a lot of perseverance to make any sort of a path in this type of landscape.  Take this trail in the amazon...

Well I am truly a Bush whacker through the jungle...forming new paths of healthier life... I will acknowledge a thought in my mind; then hold it up to truth; if it is another lie that I have bought into, then WHACK!!  I dispute it as a lie straight from the pit of hell.  I am learning to not walk in my well worn path of discouragement, self deprecating thoughts, lies, bondage, and shame.   As my counselor says, "it is time to walk through the thick shrubs and form new pathways."





My old path is really well established; I walked it for 30 years and in someways it is comfortable, predictable, and easy.  But it ends in the same place, a marshy pit with an alligator taking guard  and I have always jumped right in.  I know its' crazy to swim in the amazon...but we all do it at times.  We walk the wrong path, maybe even run down it and jump in head first.  My pit is hopelessness, depression, lies (usually when I am in there I dig down even deeper all while getting eaten alive by my own bitterness, guilt, and shame.)

On my amazon trip I was struggling but felt I needed to smile and just serve.  Then there was this tug on my heart to ask to share at that days women's bible study my testimony.  All my emotions where screaming that I was crazy!!  I don't talk about the bad stuff; I am or was an excellent emotional stuffer for 23 years.  What was I thinking!!  I didn't know it at the time but that was the first time I pulled out my machete and took a whack at the shame I was carrying.  I shared parts of my story that I hadn't told my soul mate, yet alone friends, or even counselor.  My molestation was out!!  In the jungles of the amazon I shared, and I couldn't stop bush whacking after that!!  and it is hard and tiring.  Sometimes others have become victim to my new path making, as am learning to swing my machete for the first time at emotions and hurts that I stuffed.  But I am whacking away and am forming a new path for myself.  I sweat tears, pour out stuffed emotions on paper; and sometimes I find myself on the old path.  But I know the strength I have is a gift from God, and I just pull out my machete to find my new path again.

2 Corinthians 5:17 , "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come."  -  Oh sweet truth I am new and the old is gone!!  Love this and claim this verse everyday!  

(Pictures taken my someone else; lost my camera on the trip.  I think it was my fifth
 since I got married.  Sorry honey.)

Monday, January 21, 2013

Did you know that you are...

Did you know that you can be:

Deeply loved by God, completely forgiven and fully pleasing, totally accepted, and a new creation...Oh doesn't that sound nice...  Dosen't that sound like the the desire of every person if they look deep into their heart.

To be Loved, forgiven, pleasing, accepted, and new.  Not anything in this world or any earthly relationship offers this.  I have tried to find it in all the wrong places (now I sound like a country song).  I buy into the lie that if I was in a different circumstance, didn't struggle with emotions, was out of debt, had more community, etc, that I would feel complete.  But this is a lie thrown into our face every day.  Well did you know that you and I can live loved, forgiven, pleasing, accepted, and new through Christ Jesus by what he did on the cross? We need to accept the free gift and live in truth with a surrendered heart.

1 John 4:9-10, "This is how God showed his love among us.  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
Do you live loved?  I know I don't most of the time.  But what a beautiful picture of love is available.  To meet someone that truly believes they are deeply loved; you see a glow about them.  I have met a few people like this; one is the leader of the the Roost (women's bible study), Nancy.  Another one is a nurse that I met in California at my first day of orientation, Karen.  A peace and joy emanates them; these types of people live in the truth of Scripture and their beliefs and their life are congruent.  Oh when life screams that you or I are unlovable these two ladies can quickly point you back to God's Love.  (oh find find people like this).

Romans 5:1, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Oh justification gives complete forgiveness and then the peace of being with God.  Oh what a gift... Have you met someone that has been forgiven much and is assured of their place with the Lord.  Look at Paul in the bible, persecutor and executor of Christian's , then in Ephesians 4 speaks of God's wonderful forgiveness.

Colossians 1:21-22, "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in you minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight with out blemish and free from accusation."
Alien to reconciled to be holy in God's sight without any accusation; complete divine acceptance.  All sin forgiven in Christ; even the most heinous of crimes.  Jesus on the cross said to one of the criminals hanging beside him in Luke 23 "today you will be with me in paradise."

2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone the new has come."
Then is the most beautiful of promises; in Christ Jesus we are completely new and the old is gone.  Struggling with a hang up or a hold up in your life?  God wants to make you completely new, white as snow.

 So that's what you are and what I am in Christ Jesus...let's embrace God's truth together..


Saturday, January 12, 2013

God Sized Dreams...

I joined a group of ladies that are coming together to blog and spur each other on toward their God Sized Dream.  You can click on the link to see the community I joined... When I think of God Sized; well actually I can't wrap my mind around that idea.  God sized is risky as I can attest and many of you can.  It brings up fear of failure, fear of man (What will others think?) and what if it fails...

Well that is where I use to stop, fear paralyzing me to action and the spiral of depression begins...

But that isn't my new story.  The one I have been living in for several months now... fear is still there I look at it feel it and then act in light of truth and keep going through it to what God is calling me to do.  Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (ESV)  Proverbs acknowledges that man has a heart and inclinations toward purpose, but the Lord directs his steps.  Oh those precious words take out the fear to dream and and to make plans and be open to the Lord directing my steps; which may take the whole dream in a different direction.

I would like to list the dreams in my heart I don't know if they correspond with the steps the Lord wants me to take but here are some;

- Speak and share my story of redemption; from depression to hope; weeds to blooming flowers (I am dreaming big here like Women of Faith)

- Write God's story of my life for other women to hear the hope of Christ and find some healing (I will need a good editor because I haven't been blessed with good spelling or grammar)

- Get rid of all dept aka student loans ( this year our goal is to get rid of $25,000)

- Freed up to do medical mission work (I would love to go from a RN to a NP and do it with out borrowing $)

- Intentionally live the call of Isaiah 1:17, "learn to do what is right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed.  Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow."



Now do I know how to live out my dreams?  No, not really but I trust that God will direct my steps and as I submit to Christ  and then he will mold and change my heart in accordance to His will and plan.  For now I will follow my heart and take one step at a time.  The Lord can't direct my steps unless I start walking.  One step at a time, no matter how small it is I choose today to take a step.  Some days I don't feel like even lifting my feet but I will say yes and do it!!

"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." - Grace Hopper.  Let's start sailing...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Don't Worry

"Don't worry...today is just the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.  You have survived every tomorrow so far." - From the Meier Clinic facebook page.

Oh there is a resolution that I want to have this year, maybe better called a desire "don't worry."  I can worry about anything and everything, ask my husband.  But looking back I have survived all the days I worried about and chances are most of us will survive today.  Those on the East Coast have even a higher chance of even surviving today, since they are an hour closer to the end of the day than I am in central time.

How futile is our worry; the bible says we can't add a day to our life by worrying.  Many of us may worry that we lost a few days to stress, increased heart disease, increased risk of cancer etc; but that again would be worry!! And I resolve to worry less.

Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God."

Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"


  I have found in change you can't just stop something without replacing it with something, I then resolve to pray.  So if you need prayer I know I am going to be doing a lot of it and would be honored to pray with you.  So comment or e-mail me...