Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I'm glad I walked through the valley...

In March I truly thought I wasn't able to walk through the darkness in my heart and find life.  March 25th I truly would have, sadly taken my life; but praise God for God!!  He didn't want the story to end there.  Now there has been hard choices and sacrifices to make to walk through my valley (ask Tyler).  One was laying down my pride, vulnerable walking into a psychological hospital which then in turn lead me to the Mieir clinic, losing the ability to work for a season.  My boys were separated from me for 3 days till family could come and help.  But I can look back and see God's blessing through his people sacrificing time, money, meals, convenience all believing that the story wasn't going to end in despair.  It reminds me of the story of the paraplegic who's friends in faith carried him to Jesus so he could me healed (found in Mark 2).  

I worked hard to shed the nice girl cover to become real, and it was painful. I had to face heart ache, abuse, anger, shame, fear to find Hope and Joy.  Through literal sweat, tears, writing, drawing, I have come to the foot of the cross and surrender all to Jesus who loved me so much that he walked with me through my valleys.  Psalm 23:4, "Though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me."  I had no idea why a good God would allow me to go through this, but he has brought me to complete dependence on Him and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I have actually found thankfulness that God has allowed me to struggle through and still with depression.  The gift of walking through the valley has brought more blessing than I can write but I will try to list some of the blessings;

healthier strong mother
- Joy that is deeper than any sorrow
- A redeemed, closer marriage
- Freedom- from more than I can share one of which is perfectionism (boy attempts at that are exhausting)
- Friendship and support
- An intimate relationship with God
- Hope
- A ministry where I share the Love of Christ with 1000 people each month- (weedsnflowers.blogspot.com)
- Relationships where I can honestly share my wretchedly redeemed life with
- Eye contact with my boys
- Ability to stay home with my boys
- Financial dependence on Christ
- Great counselors that have helped usher me through the journey (Cheryl and Jordan)
- Fun
- Messy
- Community
- Define of myself as a Beloved Child of a King

I rejoice in the fact that I walked through the valley to find the blessing and my journey is not done.  But I can trust that through the tears and pain more blessings will follow so if God wants me to I will continue on this journey.  Here's to one year of Blogging and to the celebration of a Birthday that I didn't expect to have!!  God is good!



If you want me too
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

- By Ginny Owens

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your life. It has been a great blessing knowing I am not the only one with some of these same trials. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am glad that you and I aren't alone. We are only as sick as our darkest secret, what freedom there is in truth and Christ.Aly

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Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson