Thursday, August 30, 2012

Another Bad Day

It started when I woke up... actually I didn't want to wake up.  I went down stairs and tried.  Tried to be joyful, look happy, and helpful to my family (all the things a "good Christian wife" is suppose to do).  In all honesty I looked grumpy, ungrateful, and there is no other word to describe my mood but "bitchy."  These are all things I wish I didn't do and that I always acted kindly but welcome to how my bad days can look.

All I wanted to do is to climb back in bed throw up the white flag and surrender to the flooding feel of hopelessness and failure.  I'd like to say that I fought with all my might not too; then used all learned skill I have developed in the last two years;  looking to Jesus for all my strength...but all that would be a lie!  I gave up for the day and it was messy.  I did get back in bed and laid there unable to sleep, barked at who ever entered in.  All I allowed myself to do was to feel worse; mulling over all my negative way I felt.  As if that wasn't enough I look a sleeping pill around 10 am when the rest of my family was at church.  At that point I flushed my day down the toilet.  I slept and was "checked out" for the rest of the day.

When I did make my way out of my bedroom I was not transformed into a ray of sunshine like I had hoped. I was feeling guilty, hungry, and defensive; I was not ready for a peaceful surrender and confessions of my selfish- self pity day.  It seems when I am hard on myself I am more ready to point out others failures and mistakes of those close to me (Can you ever relate?).  The victim of my grumpy heart  this day was my husband who lovingly had taken over the kiddos for the day.

Well there is a bad day in my shoes...and Tyler's for that matter.  But did you catch that a bad day!!  Only one and then it is time to move on get up and forgive myself; while surrendering the day to the Lord.  Praying each moment for my daily bread (just enjoy to be and do what I am called to for the day).

Proverbs 30:7-9, "Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty no riches, but give me only my daily bread.  Otherwise, i may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God."

Planting at the Denton Bible Community Garden
It's been there everyday, just enough bread for the day.  I just have to take and receive from the Lord what he has for me.

Matthew 6:9-13, "This then is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

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Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson