Thursday, August 30, 2012

Another Bad Day

It started when I woke up... actually I didn't want to wake up.  I went down stairs and tried.  Tried to be joyful, look happy, and helpful to my family (all the things a "good Christian wife" is suppose to do).  In all honesty I looked grumpy, ungrateful, and there is no other word to describe my mood but "bitchy."  These are all things I wish I didn't do and that I always acted kindly but welcome to how my bad days can look.

All I wanted to do is to climb back in bed throw up the white flag and surrender to the flooding feel of hopelessness and failure.  I'd like to say that I fought with all my might not too; then used all learned skill I have developed in the last two years;  looking to Jesus for all my strength...but all that would be a lie!  I gave up for the day and it was messy.  I did get back in bed and laid there unable to sleep, barked at who ever entered in.  All I allowed myself to do was to feel worse; mulling over all my negative way I felt.  As if that wasn't enough I look a sleeping pill around 10 am when the rest of my family was at church.  At that point I flushed my day down the toilet.  I slept and was "checked out" for the rest of the day.

When I did make my way out of my bedroom I was not transformed into a ray of sunshine like I had hoped. I was feeling guilty, hungry, and defensive; I was not ready for a peaceful surrender and confessions of my selfish- self pity day.  It seems when I am hard on myself I am more ready to point out others failures and mistakes of those close to me (Can you ever relate?).  The victim of my grumpy heart  this day was my husband who lovingly had taken over the kiddos for the day.

Well there is a bad day in my shoes...and Tyler's for that matter.  But did you catch that a bad day!!  Only one and then it is time to move on get up and forgive myself; while surrendering the day to the Lord.  Praying each moment for my daily bread (just enjoy to be and do what I am called to for the day).

Proverbs 30:7-9, "Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty no riches, but give me only my daily bread.  Otherwise, i may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God."

Planting at the Denton Bible Community Garden
It's been there everyday, just enough bread for the day.  I just have to take and receive from the Lord what he has for me.

Matthew 6:9-13, "This then is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

Sunday, August 19, 2012

From Our Daily Bread

 — by 

I marvel at Heman, the poet who wrote Psalm 88. His lot in life was unrelieved distress. “My soul is full of troubles,” he lamented (v.3). He was fed up with suffering!
Heman looked back and remembered poor health and misfortune. He looked around and saw adversity and abandonment. He looked up and found no solace. “I am distraught,” he complained (v.15). He was “adrift” (v.5), “in darkness” (v.6), “afflicted” (vv.7,15), and “cast off” (v.14). He could see no light at the end of the tunnel; no resolution of his sorrow.
Heman’s honesty warms my soul. Christians who never struggle confuse me. There’s balance, of course: No one wants to be around those who babble on all day about their troubles, but it does my heart good to know that someone else has struggled.
Yet, there’s more to Heman than mere candor. He also had a stubborn, intractable faith. Despite his many problems, he clung to God and cried out to Him “day and night” (vv.1,9,13). He didn’t stop praying. He didn’t give up. And even though he didn’t sense it at the time, Heman acknowledged God’s lovingkindness, faithfulness, and righteousness (vv.11-12).
I like folks like Heman. They strengthen my grip on God and remind me never to stop praying.
In solitude, on wings of prayer
My soul ascends before the throne;
My only hope of strength is where
My heart and His meet all alone. —Anon.
Prayer is the soil in which hope grows best

(He says this so well that it is worth posting again from Our daily Bread devotional.  A friend forwarded it to me and says what is in my heart and does it very well.  I hope you will be blessed and comforted.)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A Thursday Verse (any day is a good day for one)

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Should I be surprised with trouble?!  No but the victory is already in Christ Jesus!!  The trouble will end for me and for you, if not here then in heaven for those who are saved.  (Most recently for me... getting off the trial of Birth Control Pills that was supposed to help with my mood ended some of my trial.  It didnt work but I'm feeling much better the last two days).

The joys of complicated diagnoses.  Just from my medical history I have: poly cystic ovarian (which is a whole ball of hormones and further complications), PMDD, OCD, slight ADD, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, hypothyroid, positive ANA (from what who knows), some kind of undiagnosed leg rash that seems to come once a year, depression, anxiety... I'm sure if you looked through my chart other things as well have been added to my list of diagnosis's.  But good news!!  Jesus has overcome this world, even our broken bodies that are infested with disease have been redeemed.

Imagine what God sees...Christians without sin because of Jesus' perfect sacrifice on the cross.  He sees us whole and perfectly pleasing to Him fully redeemed.

"You, Lord, took up my case; 
    you redeemed my life."- Lamentations 3:58

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

10 Ways To be a Happier mom- from my favorite blogger Ann Voskamp

Ways to be a Happier Mom

1. Life is not an emergency.
Life’s a gift. 
Just. Slow. Down.

2. Now is not a forever grace but amazing grace.

3. Sometimes the slowest way is the fastest way to joy.
Make time today, even a moment, to read Scripture and memorize it.
Without the lens of His Word, the world warps.
{Slowest=fastest to joy}

4. Laughter is the cheapest, holiest medicine.
Preschoolers laugh 300 times a day. Aim for double that. Tickle someone, (yourself!), if necessary. This is good!

5. Motherhood is a hallowed place because children aren’t commonplace.
Co-laboring over the sculpting of souls is a sacred vocation, a humbling privilege.
Never forget.

6. Homemaking is about making a home, not about making perfection.
A perfect home is an authentic, creative, animated space where Peace and Christ and Beauty are embraced.

7. A pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over.
A minute dawdled here, a minute scrolling here — they can add up to your life.  Write down your intentions for the day and prayerfully ive the intentions and spend your life well by paying attention to the moments — which pays thanks to God.

8. Believe it: I have all I need for today.
The needs of our day are great but our God is greater and we call Him Providence because we believe: He is the One who always provides.
{And when God provides, He should be praised, and if God always provides, shouldn’t praise always be on the lips?}

9. Slow. Children at play.
If we had to actually buy our time, would we spend it more wisely — spend it more slowly?
{God’s Word never says Hurry Up. God words only whisper: Wake Up.}

10. Love is patient.
Parenting’s this gentle way of bending over in humility to help the scraped child up because we intimately know it takes a lifetime to learn how to walk with Him.
Patience. Love always begins with patience and patience is a willingness to suffer.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sunday Verse: Romans 5:1

"Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (NIV) Romans 5:1

Saturday, August 11, 2012


In the New International Version the word "Rest" is used 267 times. Even the God creator of the universe takes time to rest; as modeled in Genesis. And then reaffirmed in Exodus by the ten commandments. And then Jesus again models the idea of Resting with God, and even speaks his truth of the written word of the Old Testament. I think we can agree that God desires this "Rest" for us.

 He carefully makes us a nest. Many types of birds pull feathers from their own chest to make it safe for the egg and then baby bird; sounds like a painful sacrifice to me.  God did something even more painful and even a bigger of a sacrifice for us to find Rest.  1 John 4:9-10, "This is how God showed his love among us; He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."  A painful death on the Cross that experts estimate the process lasting 6 agonizing hours.

But with out this ultimate sacrifice of God; allowing his Son to die; we couldn't find this pure and perfect rest. John 15:5, "I am the vine: you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Jesus wants us to remain in him (unlike mama birds I don't picture him pushing us out of his nest); rather he wants us to taste him and stay in him.  In God with complete dependence on him, we can stop all the trying and allow him to be our strength and a vehicle for change.  I tried working to change, and I ended up exhausted and worse off.  As I have rested in God's promise, I have found the greatest peace and rest for my weary soul.

Psalm 34:8, "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." May I take refuge and rest in Him. That is the only thing he asks in this verse is for us to take refuge in him, it isn't burdensome, it sounds wonderful. Matthew 11:28 confirms the only perfect rest is found in His nest, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my burden is light."
photo from russ jefferson

Lord my prayer is to find sweet rest in your nest. Teach me to abide in you.  I have tasted and seen that You, Lord are good and give Peace; may I Take refuge in you!!

Friday, August 3, 2012

A Grateful Heart

God is stirring something new in me and I love it... It does take discipline; but God has been gracious to remind me that in 2 Timothy 1 verse 7, God did not give me a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-discipline.  When fear overcomes me I now dispute it, through God's spirit.  I choose to walk in the power of God's power that rose Jesus from the dead, claim his love, and walk in self-discipline.

So a new development in me has been Gratitude and it has taken discipline.  After being inspired by "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, I started to write down all the things I am thankful for.  The days that this has been the hardest is on those days where it is hard to find a smile.  You know the ones where you woke up on the wrong side of the bed (aka a child's voice yelling Mama!! right in your face).  Anyhow I am almost at 500 things that I am grateful for.  Writing them, and sometimes forcing myself; has helped me find joy in even my "darkest days."

I am thankful for the gifts of...

385) Lunch in the warm sun
389) Learning to draw

391) My oldest sons determination to catch a fish

393) Worship music echoing through the cabin with the sound of the river in the background.

408) Sticky fingers covered in Marshmallows

414) Memories of being pregnant with each of my boys at some point at the cabin
415) The memory of getting engaged to my lover and friend- we recently celebrated 9 years of marriage

447) At a spot of mental health- able to look my boys in the eye and do life with them (feel what they feel and not be afraid of my own emotions)