Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Back to the 3 P's- an answer a readers question

So after being admitted into the Meier Clinic I lost a month or two.  So in all honestly I am 3 months behind on my Cloud and Townsend Webinar.  I still occasionally think it is still April and then once corrected; my mind then thinks  it has got to be May!   Oh no reality check it's June 19th.  Maybe I need to post a visible calender in my home.  It doesn't help that I am not working anymore, because as a nurse you chart the date maybe a 100 times in one day, making it really hard to forget.

Well I received a question on the blog; "Thank you for sharing :). I do wonder how you have processed the "It's not personal" new truth?" I think this is a really good question and I want to address it further.

Well first here is the reminder of the original post on the 3 p's. "I have been functioning for the past 30 year in what Dr Henry Cloud summarized as the 3 P's.  The the first P - personal; I learned to take everything personal, someone saying no equalled something to the fact that I am a bad person. The second P is pervasive; that all of the things in my life are negative. The third and final P is permanent; that it will always be like this. Under this learned helplessness I have been living most of my life out of control, with a sense that whatever I do there will be negative ramifications. Dr Cloud's advice was to recognize it and ignore it! How wonderful to acknowledge the lie and move on to truth."

This though is easier said than done. In some way's I have learned to recognize that things aren't as personal as I once perceived.  Someones anger may not have anything to with my actions or who I am. Instead, there maybe something going on in that persons own life (ie bad day, hardship, struggles, and the list goes on).  Taking the time to examine what I am feeling and then go back to my thinking, then ask "is that thought true". 

Personal for me was taking external events and making them become who I am instead of just that external events.  Part of this has improved by having good boundaries in discovering who I am...  An example of me practicing this took place just last week.  My oldest discarded submission for rules at his preschool durring nap time.  Imagine an unruly child yelling "no"! Walking around refussing to sit and spitting toward the teacher (well for some of you mom's of strong willed children don't need to imagine too hard.)  Well just a year ago (or a few months ago) I would tell myself, and in all honesty I would believe that "I am terrible mom" or "see just look at his behavior; I am a failure as a mom and I should just quit."  Now I can reconize that these are lies and that I have the choice to believe them or dispute them.  More times now I dispute them not claiming those as truths (ie not taking them as personal).  My oldest (who is almost 5) made some of his own choices, these were not reflections of my personhood. Even if someone had said by looking at the actions of my child and called  me a "bad mom!" I believe that I am strong enough to dispute this as not true, and not take it personal.

Truly it doesn't matter what others think or do to me, whether hardship or trial come toward me...I am learning that my significance is in Christ alone.  This doesn't play out at it's best most days, but I want to live as the Bible describes.  Romans 8:1 has been my daily verse to live by. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Praise Jesus!!

More verses on who I am and you are in Christ:


  1. I have never heard of the 3 P's, but wish I had when I was younger! What a wonderful formula for evaluating situations in truth- I want to teach these to my children!I am so happy to read of your journey to true FREEDOM! Miss you! <3

  2. Thank you Mary. You are truly missed. I am defineitly on a journey of freedom and feel blessed by God's constant hand in my life. I am glad you are going to teach these to your kiddos. Mine are getting a good education in these along with mama.


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