Monday, May 14, 2012

When did it start... Perfectionism

I have a tendency to push for perfection...is that innate?  Maybe as a way to earn something, attain, or fill an empty void that is in each of us? For me it numbs the fact that I can't be "good enough"; but then I try perfection but it is so temporary...one mistake and then I count myself as scum at times even lower than scum...and the vicious cycle continues...

Why can't I just be human being?  Instead of a human doing... doing all the stuff without "being".  To be okay with my imperfections, allowing myself to be always in need of the perfect rescuer/savior Jesus.   So now I intentionally don't vacuum every day (oh yes I have dust bunnies).  My laundry is backed up, dishes piled, and counters full of all sorts of piles, beds unmade, etc..  I have been trying to vacuum the stairs since Friday...here is me trying to let go of perfectionism and just be.

I have been playing more board games, more chalk drawings, slips on the slippy slide, and yes it is messy.  I don't do it perfect; and my 2 and 4 year old can attest for my imperfections.  There are lots of sorry's in our house, more laughs, still real tears, and more talking.  It is already paying off.  Not that life is 100% better; rather the way I live it is.  I pray more, trust more and feel more and am more real with those around me; especially with my family. These last few days have been a struggle, but God has answered my prayers and I have seen Him at work.


 Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

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Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson