Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Can I please lay in bed all day?

I have had a lot of terrible days recently where I would love to have stayed in bed all day. I feel like a tea pot that isn't just squealing but under pressure, about to explode like a bottle rocket.  No one wants that to happen; especially the family residing under my roof.  I look in the mirror and see that I look a little battle weary; dark circles, hair a mess, and adult acne on my face, oh and not to mention the emergence of wrinkles. 

Now there are a  lot of hard things going on even around me; a dear friends family death, marriages failing, limbs lost, homes ruined from tornadoes, alcohol addictions, rebelling children and people battling for their lives. So I know I don't battle alone, others are suffering way more than me.  I do know a few things that I would love to vent about my last two weeks.    

Hormones suck! I don't like it, and I feel crazy when they ramp up. It is on my chart (adding to increasing diagnoses) as PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric disorder). Already taking an SSRI, spirinolactone, clonazepam, multiple supplements, cortisol, thyroid medication...all of which help treat this, but after three good months, this is a bad one. Being so incapable of taking care of myself and my family sucks.

Its easy for others to tell me to "thank God for the good days, months, etc,'' but it doesn't feel fair to say; unless you also have had something disabling that inhibits your life. I hope that some of you reading this understand and find comfort that you aren't alone. For some reason God has some of us walk through darker; longer seasons in the valley of death than others, but if we are honest everyone has been there at some point even if has been just a moment.

Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me."  Though it has been a week in the shadow of death...I will pray that God take my fear away.I also pray for those that struggle. Together we can walk knowing God is right beside us.  Knowing that this is just a bump on the journey toward health.

"In desolate times of depression-when we stumble into the pit, when rust covers our iron - we may not always feel His presence, but we have the sure promise of our faithful God that we are not alone. Our Loyal Friend is ever near." -Charles Swindoll. 

Thank you God that you are with me and I am not alone.

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Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson