Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Why now?

I don't know if God has healed me, but I have had the longest consistent time of no signs of depression in my life. My last suicidal thought was back in December. Honestly it is hard for me to even write about this...because I am afraid that this season will end. Just a break from a tortuous existence? Or a healing? A right combination of medications, supplements, exercise and diet? Maybe it is a little of all of these.

But why now did God allow me to be healthy and not 9 years ago, or 4 years ago? Why now? I've been asking God that question for a few days now. I know he is OK with his people asking him, but he doesn't always answer our questions in our timing.

Genesis 25:22 we see God answer Rebekah right away (verse 23). But then back in exodus you see the Israelites asking for someone to rescue them for many years prior to sending Moses to deliver the people from slavery. So why sometimes does He answer quickly and other times his answer is so delayed?

I love the encouragement of 2 Peter 3:8-9, "but don't forget this one thing dear friends: with the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone come to repentance." So the Lord's timing is not like ours, perhaps he is out of time or at least out of the way we define it.   He will keep his promises concerning you and me!  I don't want to live in fear for only God knows what tomorrow will bring.

I will praise the Lord that:
I don't walk in depression now
I am a better mom, wife, friend
I live in a place with Godly community
I have the resources to have a healthier life
I can share a story of God's good work in my life

 And even if tomorrow brings trouble, Lord may I remember where I have been, just enough to rejoice in in you daily.

Why now? I am going to settle with the fact that God's timing is beyond my understanding but I want to rejoice in him and praise Him all the more. May I take clues from 1 Samuel 7:12, " then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, thus far has the Lord helped us."  I am setting up an Ebenezer jar to remember what god has done thus far.  I am going to write down on rocks what God has done in my life to remember. Pictures to follow...

What do you do to remember the wonderful things God has done in your life?


  1. A few months ago, I started praying for God to heal you. I am in awe of what God can do. Praise Jesus!

  2. Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
    How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out!
    Who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been his counselor?
    Who has ever given to God that God should repay him ?
    For from him and through him and to him are all things.
    To him be the glory forever! Amen.

    Romans 11:33-36

  3. I don't know who you are but God has answered our prayer. Who knows God's ways but to him be the glory. Thank you for your prayers. Today I loved that I could just enjoy the craziness of my boys and building tents in my spring cleaned living room (never had the energy for spring cleaning or desire to mess up a clean room).


Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson