Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Waiting room part 2

So for years I asked God to take my depression away; quite frankly pleaded many times.  But I waited; sometimes in anger against God, thinking. "why don't you answer me!!."  Other times I have waited in joyful anticipation that he would fulfill his promises in my life; if not on this side of heaven then in heaven.

I did learn a lot through waiting...  I learned who is going to continue to stand with me while darkness engulfs me.  My husband, could have walked away from an angry wife, suicidal wife, deep in shame, guilt and sadness.  But not only did he stick with me, but learned to thrive despite of me.  I have friends that have heard me speak lies about myself, only to love me all the more.  Blessed with family that prayed with us instead of judged us.  God gave me enough to make it.

I wanted to talk more about the Israelites waiting for God to fulfill his promise of leading his people into the promise land, but Paul has been more on my heart.  Here is a man that turned full circle from killing followers of Christ -- to becoming foundational in establishing the early Christan Church and writing many of the books of the New Testament. 

2 Corinthians 12 : 7-10 Paul writes, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh,  a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

The bible doesn't specify what Paul's thorn was; but can you hear his anguish in his description of his experience; torment, pleading.  I don't know how long he pleaded; but scripture is clear that God didn't take his 'thorn' away.  Rather the Lord points him to His grace and His power.  So Paul couldn't boast in his work, rather only boast in what Christ was doing through him in despite his struggles. 

When I started blogging I was still begging Christ to free me, and release me from the torment of living in depression.  For years God never took my depression away in my waiting.  But I have now seen him work in my weakness.  Looking back, I have learned lessens in the agony of despair that I wouldn't have learned otherwise.  Even in some of my darkest moments; God worked for my story to minister to others.  Today I am experiencing and walking in joy and hope.  However depression, shame and guilt are always there reminding me that I need Christ.  Through his Grace I am entrusted with the power of Christ, and am learning to delight in my weakness; so when I am weak, God will be strong. May God be made much of...


  1. Your writing voice sounds confident about where you are heading...out of depression and toward joy. LOVED A Thousand Gifts..it is sure to bless a fellow writer and sojourner. Keep writing, Alyson.

  2. Thank you Julie for your encouragement. I am looking forward to starting a thousand gifts. Praying that God will bless you on your journey as well. Blessings


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