Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Floating log- Bobbing up and down with each Emotion

For the last 12 plus years I have felt like a log in turbulent water.  Each emotion was a giant wave that would hit me, becoming all that I was.  I wasn't Alyson; I was "depressed," "anxious," "sad," "lonely," "shy," etc.  I was not just having strong emotions; I was that emotion bobbing up and down with each wave of life, I was always half way underwater no matter what I did.  So I became the feeling; over time I forgot who I was, unable to celebrate joy, or just enjoy life.  Natural struggles to the average person, became who I was.  Now I still experience the emotion but more as someone standing on the shore.  I see the turbulence; some times feel it, but I don't bob up and down quite as much.  I see emotions as an observer- experiencing them and then able to move on more quickly.  Those logs bump into me. Sometimes they try to define me but they aren't who I am anymore  I still struggle with depression but am so much more than just a diagnosis or word.  Rather I am a child of God, Wife, Mother, Friend, funny, organized, and sometimes unstable woman.  How grateful I am to get new perspective, however in the good times I have a looming fear that I may get swept away in the natural turbulence of life again and get tossed and turned like the log again.  I pray that fear won't keep me captive from enjoying the the "Flowers" of my life.

John 16:33. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace." says the Lord "In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."

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Thank you dear friend for stopping by. Please leave a message or question; look back and I will reply. Thank you and God bless, Alyson