For the last 12 plus years I have felt like a log in turbulent water. Each emotion was a giant wave that would hit me, becoming all that I was. I wasn't Alyson; I was "depressed," "anxious," "sad," "lonely," "shy," etc. I was not just having strong emotions; I was that emotion bobbing up and down with each wave of life, I was always half way underwater no matter what I did. So I became the feeling; over time I forgot who I was, unable to celebrate joy, or just enjoy life. Natural struggles to the average person, became who I was. Now I still experience the emotion but more as someone standing on the shore. I see the turbulence; some times feel it, but I don't bob up and down quite as much. I see emotions as an observer- experiencing them and then able to move on more quickly. Those logs bump into me. Sometimes they try to define me but they aren't who I am anymore I still struggle with depression but am so much more than just a diagnosis or word. Rather I am a child of God, Wife, Mother, Friend, funny, organized, and sometimes unstable woman. How grateful I am to get new perspective, however in the good times I have a looming fear that I may get swept away in the natural turbulence of life again and get tossed and turned like the log again. I pray that fear won't keep me captive from enjoying the the "Flowers" of my life.
John 16:33. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace." says the Lord "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."