Friday, December 2, 2011

Listen to your body...

Well I am not crazy....well we all are a little bit...
But I have fully confirmed that my depression and anxiety has something to do with my hormones.  My husband said. "I could have told you that."  Well I am now convinced, and convinced that modern medicine should offer some help.  Every 28 to 30 days I spiral down the slippery slide, into the dark pit of depression, loading on more guilt and shame of why can't I just get this right...Well I have learned a few things this time; I was grumpy, but apologized quickly to my loved ones (and grumpy maybe an understatement), I hit the gym and the ground with my running shoes, and quickly disputed those false thought that infiltrate my mind without warning.  So in combo with the findings of the SPECT scan, new teaching from Steps, 1 1/2 years of great counseling, and that I now acknowledging the hormone component; I feel like I am still one step closer to greater health.  I am going to listen to my gut and get all my hormones tested and yesterday I would have scheduled a complete hysterectomy.  Thankfully I have my head on a little straighter and will wait to schedule a hysterectomy until I examine all of this further. 
Photo by Wendy Westcamp
So many times I just wanted a quick fix and really listened to whoever had answers.  Here are the list of have tried:
  • food sensitivity tests
  • gluten free diet
  • Rapid Eye Movement therapy
  • Endocrinologists
  • Psychologists
  • SPECT scans
  • Multiple counseling years
  • Bible Studies
  • Step Study
And I still struggle...Just this week I had to dispute suicidal thoughts for three days.  I know they are irrational but they still come and frighten me.  I fear that just once I will make a stupid rash decision that will ruin my life and my family's.  So here is the good news I have learned a lot even from some of the things on my list, and I wont give up.  This time I am listening to my body and getting it checked by someone good.  Now to find a good doctor to check me out medically, hormonally, and genealogically.  Pray for a good team of Doctors.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Alyson,
    We are praying for you and trust that God will lead you to the right doctors. We are here to help you and Tyler in any way we can.
    Words cannot express how much we love you.
    Mom and Dad


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