Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Burdens

Here is an awesome forward I got this evening don't know who to give credit to but it is not written by myself:
WATER

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'..... she fooled them all... "How heavy is this glass of water?", she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.

Day one...sharing my journey through the weeds of depression

Maybe I don't need to catch you up especially since no one is reading this... 

am starts with a morning wake up call with two busy boys.  I don't think I have set my alarm in almost 3 years thanks to their internal clocks that go off within minutes of the previous day.  Then I take my welbutrin, synthroid, cytomel, one of the three omega 3 vitamins and then it is usually followed by a clonasapam even before I can take a shower.  Everyone says taking depression medicine is like taking your Blood Pressure pill, you just do it and then don't think about it again.  But it is so very different.  I take a medicine to help me with those suicidal feelings that always seem to be just a few thoughts away.  They (aka depression meds)  then have a gamut of side effects: weight gain, decreased libido, nausea, flat emotions, and not to mention all the other side effects in the RX insert.  Reading it would scare any suicidal person into actually doing it.  Well  then around noon I am so frantic surviving ( I mean SURVIVING) I take another clonasapam to just make it till my husband comes home.  Then night comes and then I take Lexapro, 2 omega 3's and a clonasapam to go to sleep.  Well as you can see my system of mental health isn't exactly working for me.  I have had 3 weeks of major depression again.  Hard to know what number episode this is since it has been going on for well over 8 years so far.  So this is my journey but not my story...I have hope...sometimes as thin as a thread to hold on to.  I am doing a SPECT scan on Tuesday with hopefully a new plan also starting a support group.  So these are my weeds  and my journey; all the while I am looking for some flowers.